"I'M NOBODY!!"

I'm sure you all remember in the Fire Island post about our Friday night excursions to "Flynn's".

Every Saturday in Fire Island we all could not wait to venture out to the beach.  We would love to scope out the surroundings and determine our beach position based upon the attractiveness of the groups of young women in the vicinity. For about 3 or 4 weeks we had seen this new group of beautiful women on the beach with this one amazingly sexy woman in the group. Each week we slowly migrated closer to these girls until finally the amazingly sexy one struck up a conversation with me (what luck!). We spoke for most of the afternoon and she asked me to meet her for a drink that evening.  I was, to say the least, enthusiastic.  Only one problem. This woman was Mike Flynn's wife Karen. Good grief. What to do? I ask Buddy. 

Being the good friend he is and being primarily concerned with my well being, he advises me to "hook up" with her later and of course he will accompany me in case she has any available friends. Perfect.

Needless to say we met at a bar other than Flynn's. We were having a great time and by about midnight the young Karen and I were becoming quite amorous with public displays of affection.  Buddy, who although had a slew of vices, rarely drank and always had a clear head when the rest of us were inebriated.  After his kicks under the table illicit little response he informs me that he has to go to the bathroom and that I must accompany him as I probably had to go to the bathroom as well (I did not).  In the bathroom Buddy made his case for saving my life. He said Mike Flynn knew everyone on Fire Island and that Karen and I were going to get "pinched" and if Mike Flynn found out about this he would "bust us up".  Now Buddy and I may have looked tough in the photo above but I assure everyone we were "all show and no go".  

I realized intellectually that Buddy was right so guess what I did? I asked Karen Flynn to accompany me to the beach (I knew he was right but I'm not crazy you know).  

Buddy decides he had better come along to chaperone.  Karen tried to get rid of him as we wanted to be alone but he was having none of it.  As a matter of fact he went and got Adam Berger to come in case reinforcements were needed. Great. 

It's about 2AM, we are all on the beach, beautiful night and there is no doubt in anyones mind that Karen Flynn was enjoying herself.  We were laughing and drinking and then all of a sudden, out of nowhere like a lightening bolt is some maniac sprinting in the direction of the adulterous scene screaming at yours truly, "WHO THE 'EFF' DO YOU THINK YOU ARE WITH MY WIFE?!!!!".  

Oh yes. Mike Flynn. Pinched.  Now we are like a procession down the beach. Me first, running for my life and of course answering Mike's question with a very manly, "I'M NOBODY! I'M NOBODY! I'M NOBODY!". We were followed by Karen Flynn screaming to Mike not to tear me limb from limb.  But thank goodness for Buddy and Berger. I had, in my short life that was suddenly flashing before my eyes, never seen them run faster - and not in the opposite direction. 

They finally caught up with Mike Flynn and convinced him to take Karen away and they would take me away.  Mike Flynn advised them that they damn well better or they would be in as much trouble as I would be.

And that is the short story about how Buddy Newell saved my life on a spectacular night, on a beautiful beach, in Fire Island in 1987.

After that Karen Flynn moved in with me for 6 months. Buddy relocated into the Witness Protection Program for the duration of that time. (I kid, I kid but he was very, very nervous.)

Buddy never let me forget the "I'm Nobody" night. And I never will.