Tuesday, November 11, 2008

"Freeze Dirtbag!"


I am certain you are all aware of Buddy's extensive travel schedule. He was constantly on the go as the national sales manager of "Dubey and Schaldenbrand".  I am also confident that many of you were aware of his proclivity toward internet content not suitable for children. 

One thing I am pretty sure you are not aware of are the unbelievable stringent pornography laws in Canada, specifically child pornography.

Now our friend Buddy, at any given time had between 100 and 1000 Gigabites of what some might call inappropriate digital content on his laptop.  He carried this very laptop across the country, day after day.  It used to be that he would schlep his entire watch line with him to show the watches to clients. That got to be to labor intensive (and to dangerous) so he simply had hi-resolution digital photos of all the Dubey watches on the computer so he could show the images to the clients when he visited.

Buddy had gone to Toronto to visit a client and was now on his way back to the United States through Michigan. He almost always rented a car when he traveled and swore by the GPS navigation program on his laptop. He just simply left the laptop opened on the passenger seat and got turn by turn directions. This is an invaluable tool for anyone traveling the country (and also for those of us that can't find there way around the block).  

Buddy pulls up to the checkpoint in Toronto and is greeted by two young male Canadian border patrol agents.  After exchanging pleasantries they ask Buddy his business and are just about to wave him through when one of the agents asks, "hey what you got on the laptop?".  Buddy, always the social sort responded, "I use it for the GPS, very tight, but I also have all my watches that I show clients and of course some other stuff".  The officers then ask, "you got any porn on there?".  Buddy, who was NEVER without porn says, "doesn't everybody? Just kidding officers.  I probably have some".  

Well that was not wise. Now the officers tell Buddy to get out of the vehicle and they proceed to confiscate his laptop to investigate for child pornography. 

Buddy, in a holding area, sweating profusely (not unlike the young Albert Brooks in Broadcast News), thinks to himself "I have so much porn on there. What if I downloaded something illegal by mistake.  OMFG!!!!!!!!!!!!!!  It would have been easier just to schlep the watches."

Buddy, now at wits end after a 3 hour solitary confinement, thinking about his impending cavity search as he is waiting for them to finish searching his hard drive (which is somewhat analogous to an IRS audit) looks up to see the officers standing before him with a smile on their faces.

"Wow, nice chicks you have on that laptop.  You're free to go".  He called me immediately just to make certain that if he was in any trouble in Michigan after that I could have someone come to bail him out.  I never heard him so relieved.

Lessons from Buddy for all you kids out there.

NO PORN ON YOUR LAPTOPS. 
(especially in Canada)


1 comment:

johnschiebelhuth said...

Buddy's Book...

Several Months back, Buddy met a very wealthy gentleman who was writing a book about people who have reinvented themselves to become successful. The guys name is Wes Moss. He decided to devote a chapter to Buddy. He talks alot about Buddy's early years leading up to his success with Dubey & Schaldenbrand. The title of the book is " Make more, Worry Less". It was fun reading about Buddy's store security days and his thoughts on life. I purchased my book immediately on Amazon. Buddy kind of twisted my arm but I am glad that he did. A month before his passing, he was at my house for dinner and I asked him to sign my book. He wrote on the inside cover "to a great friend and loyal pal, a hard find these days, you are one special friend, Buddy. I will cherish this book and read the chapter about our friend buddy several more times. Like Buddy used to say "go ahead and treat yourself, you work hard"